My mom was only insistent about a few things for her funeral. First - she wanted lots of music. She didn't want it to be boring. Second - she wanted to sing all 6 verses of Redeemer of Israel. Third - she wanted it to be short - no more than an hour.
With that goal in mind, I felt so limited about what I could share about my mother. I picked what I thought most accurately described her life and what she meant to me. So many asked for a copy of my remarks, I thought I'd share them here - on her blog - for other to see and read and hopefully be inspired by her - as I was.
Janis Carter was born on May 2, 1952 to childhood
sweethearts Wilma Louise Walker and Shirl Fred Carter. Janis was their first child and the oldest of
the four Carter girls. Her aunt Cleo, her mom’s sister, was the delivery nurse.
From that moment on mom and Aunt Cleo were close.
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| Janis at 3 years of age |
Mom always said that her childhood was fun and
adventurous. She told us stories of some
of her favorite moments. At 3 years of
age, mom’s live was miraculously saved by her dog Queenie. Mom walked out into
the street in the path of a big semi-truck. Her parents, sitting on the porch,
could both see that they couldn’t get to her in time. As her mom screamed, the
dog, Queenie, ran into the street and carried mom by her diapers to safety just
in time. I think that is what gave mom her affinity to dogs – something she
carried her whole life.
Mom was a good student who loved learning. In her own words she said: School always came
easy for me but I seemed to lack self-control in keeping quiet and not talking
or laughing. Learning has always been important to mom.
Mom’s childhood was spent between Brigham City, Ogden, and
Willard, UT. Her grandparents lived on a
small orchard at the end of a dirt road in Willard, near the railroad tracks
and across from the LDS cannery. She
told us stories of climbing the apple trees with a salt shaker and eating
apples until she was sick. The tomato
trucks would line the street waiting to drop their load at the cannery. She would walk to the top of the street and
climb the truck with her salt and pepper shakers. She would sit and eat tomatoes until the
truck was in front of the cannery. Then
she would climb down from the truck, walk to the top of the street and start
over. She would spend whole afternoons
this way when she was visiting her grandparents.
Her childhood was happy and filled with music and
service. Her dad worked at Hill Airforce
Base as an engineer. He was a gifted
trumpet player. Both of her parents were
talents vocalists. They sang as a family
on most Sunday evenings. Mom told me
stories of her dad bringing home soldiers on Sunday nights for dinner and
entertainment. She was always crushing
on one soldier or another.
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| Janis accompanying her father during a family Christmas Party. |
Mom learned to play the piano early in life and was very
accomplished. By age 12, she was
accompanying her father at musical engagements everywhere. Because they both had perfect pitch, mistakes
were not allowed for either of them. Mom had a great impression of the look her
dad would make when she hit the wrong note. Something like this: (Think funny face with one eyebrow up and head tilted to the side).
Mom loved dance. She
loved everything about it. She took
ballet lessons and learned to dance with point shoes. Something she was very proud of. When she
entered high school, she wanted nothing more than to dance and drill with the
Ben Lomond Bonnie Lassies. She made the
elite drill team her junior year of high school, something she was excited
about, as not many juniors were selected.
However, she never got to dance with them as her family relocated to
southern California before the school year began.
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| Janis her on Bonnie Lassie uniform |
It was in Southern California that she spent almost the next
4 decades of her life. After graduating
from high school she attended Saddleback College and served as the Institute
President. On an institute leadership
retreat she met David Smith, a super handsome recently returned
missionary. While mom went to the
retreat with the intent of furthering her relationship with another man, David
would not leave her alone. About six
months later they were engaged and in another six months they were married in
the Los Angeles temple for time and all eternity on September 8, 1972. Mom was a mere 20 years old.
Over the next nine year, 7 children joined their family:
·
Melody Ann
·
Annjeanette, stillborn
·
Amy Louise
·
Michael David
·
Robert Wayne
·
Abigail Frances and
·
Andrew Carter
Mom and dad always wanted a big family. Dad worked multiple jobs to allow mom to stay
home with their children, something that was very important to her. I look back on my childhood as a magical
time, though I’m sure for mom it was incredibly challenging. Raising 6 children so close in age meant for
a lot of diapers, meltdowns and illnesses.
I always loved the fact that when I had chicken pocks, so did my
siblings. When I got lice, so did my
sisters. It always meant I had someone
to play with at home. For mom, 5 kids with chicken pocks (Andy never got them), was probably a lot
less magical than it was for me.
Mom went to great lengths for the education of her children.
Learning and knowledge was incredibly important to her. She fought to keep us in the best schools and
spent years volunteering. She led a
children’s choir at Eastwood elementary school for years. She served as the president of the PTA for
years as well. Her passion for education
eventually led her to run for school board where she was elected! She was an
incredible advocate for children everywhere!
Mom was an incredible seamstress. She made most of her clothes while she was
growing up and did the same for her 6 children. She picked up quilting while I
was young and it became a lifelong passion for her. She taught quilting classes
and formed quilting groups wherever she went, finding ways to connect with
other women and help them develop their talents. Her love of sewing included hand applique,
cross stitch and embroidery. She made clothes and quilts, pillows and curtains,
bags and table clothes. She decorated
the house monthly and seasonally. She and dad both had a strong belief in home
making and bettering your property and home.
The house was always beautiful and always smelled fresh and clean.
Mom served in many callings throughout her life. No matter
the calling, she gave her heart and soul to whatever she was asked to do. Mom loved the gospel with all her heart. She had a strong testimony of her Savior,
Jesus Christ. She epitomized the
saying: Teach the gospel all of your
life, and when necessary – use words. I
remember finding her on her knees or reading her scriptures in both the early
mornings and late evenings. She was always quick to ask if I had prayed about
something.
As her children got older and her circumstances changed, mom
joined the work force. She worked for
many years as a clerk for Millard County, and later a property and lease
manager for the LDS Church. She retired
from church employment in January of 2016.
My mom loved music. She probably forgot more music than I
ever learned. Her musical tastes were
vast and deep. While she could nearly
recite every hymn from the hymn book from memory, she could also sing every
Jimi Hendrix riff there was. And that is only the tip of the ice berg of her
musical tastes and knowledge. I believe
she took every one of us to our first live concert – and is the reason we all
had personal stereo systems in our rooms growing up. She played in a rock band
in high school and taught all of us to play some musical instrument. One of her
favorite things to do is drive fast to very loud music.
While she was praised for her ability to cook – I remember
the day my mom told me she hated to cook.
I was so surprised. “But you are so good at it!” I said in protest. That is because if I’m going to spend time
doing something I don’t like – I’m only going to make things that taste really,
really good. That was her philosophy and
she stuck to it.
Every year in January, my mom would go to the book store and
buy a new stack of books she wanted to read that year. She was a planner and was always on a path of
continual improvement. There was always
something new to learn and something to progress at. One year, in my younger prudish years, I questioned
her choice of some Christian books by authors that were not LDS. Mom sat me
down and told me: Truth is truth is truth is truth – no matter where you find
it. We had a great discussion about how truth is universal and can be found all
around us. It is the spirit of God that
helps us discern truth. As long as we
stay close to the Spirit – we will know what is right and what is truth. That lessons stuck with me – truth is truth
is truth is truth – no matter where you find it. It opened my eyes to always look for truth
and made me work to be discerning in my quest for knowledge and learning.
Mom was not a stranger to physical pain and suffering. She was first diagnosed with Multiple
Sclerosis in the late 70s. For forty years, she struggling with MS attacks,
pain, and the loss of her muscle control, fine motor skills, vision, and
physical endurance. In 2008 she was first diagnosed with breast cancer. While
she had a few years of remission, she struggled with some of the side effects
from cancer treatment for years after in her joints and muscles. Nearly
everything was painful. Since the return of her cancer a year ago, mom has been
in nearly constant pain.
A few days before moms passing, I was reflecting on a
journal entry from a year ago. Date:
October 4, 2016: Mom went on hospice care this week. They tell us we have 3-6 months. I’m not sure I’m ready to do this with
another parent. Mom said – she asked
Heavenly Father for a year. She said she
needed a year to get things in order and to finish what she needed to do. She told me Heavenly Father said yes. She died exactly a year after I wrote that
entry. Mom was given her year.
I want to conclude with two lessons my mom taught me.
In 2010 – two years after her cancer diagnosis – my mom came
to Seattle and spoke at a Single Adult conference. When many of my friends from that area
learned of her passing – so many of them commented about how much her talk had
helped them. Mom spoke about the lessons
she had learned lying in bed after her mastectomy a few years previous. Mom was first diagnosed with cancer in
2008. She told her own very personal
story about lying in bed after surgery – realizing her life was never going to
be the same. She probably wouldn’t be
able to do all the things she wanted to do – go on a mission, travel, live to
see her grandchildren grow up. As she
was falling asleep her mind turned towards Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.
She could see Eve being cast out of the garden after eating the forbidden fruit
– mom said she could feel her pain as she was walking and having the
realization her life was never going to be the same again. She was not going to grow old in the garden
surrounded by beautiful things. She was going to have to live a hard life. Mom
said she could feel Eve’s longing for the life she thought she was going to
live. Mom said she heard the words: I was with Eve for her Plan B – and I will be
with you for yours. Our lives don’t always work out the way we want them to –
they may not even be close to what we want – and that is OK – in fact – that is
great because we are all on our own IEP she said. In schools we call them Individualized
Education Plans – But mom called them Individualized Exaltation Plans. The best thing we can do is stop comparing
and start living our plan A, B, C or X, Y, Z or whatever plan we are on. That
each of us had our own plan – which didn’t look like anyone else’s. She talked about how we had to quit comparing
ourselves to other people and to seek to know our own plan and put the work in
to find our own way back to our Heavenly Father. I will forever be grateful for those words of
advice and for the example she was for me in that way.
Last – in 2011 – my dad was diagnosed with terminal brain
cancer. A few weeks after his brain
surgery, my mom came to me one morning and said – I need to tell you this story
because one day it will be important to you and you will need to share it with others. Today is that day.
She told me about how the week right after my dad’s brain surgery – she
woke up one morning bleeding. She felt
like there was something seriously wrong with her and she was hemorrhaging or
something. She couldn’t stop the bleeding
and it went on for a few hours. She
finally got on her knees and prayed. She
told heavenly father that she didn’t have time right now to be sick or have a
problem. That dad was sick and needed
her help and she didn’t have time to also be sick. She asked to be healed. She asked that the bleeding would stop and
that she would be able to resume her work and take care of dad. From that moment on she quit bleeding. And then she said – miracles happen all the
time Amy if we just ask for them. We
have to ask and we have to be specific.
She said – there is a price to pay for a relationship with our Heavenly
Father. We all have the spirituality we
are willing to pay the price for. The
price is paid in time, service, love, forgiveness, and sacrifice. I will never forget that – we all have the
spirituality we are willing to pay the price for. My mom paid the price for the testimony she
had. And she willingly and lovingly
shared that testimony with others as often as she could.
My mom has joined her mom, aunt, daughter, grandmother,
husband and other family and friends in the next life where she will continue
to be able to do what she loves most – sing the hymns of the gospel and bear
her testimony of the Savior. She
couldn’t be happier.
I have shared just a small portion of who my mom and what
she has given me and so many others. I
have always described myself as my mother’s daughter. And I believe that to be true for all things
good and challenging. While I inherited
so many amazing things from my mother – and while she taught me so many other
things – what I am most grateful for is her example in consistently pointing me
to Christ. It is because of her example
that I have my own testimony of Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ. For that is what allows me to be forgiven and ultimately healed. That is what gives me hope and knowledge
of eternal families. That is what gives
me peace at a time of loss like this one.
Love you mom.
Amy
