Come to Jesus

(Listen to the song above, my remarks were written in relationship to this song which was song right before I spoke)

I've pondered over what Mom would say if she were the one standing in front of all the people she loved. I knew what that message would be because of a Young Women lesson she once gave when I was a teenager. She stood up and explained to all of us that her greatest desire in life was the same as Alma's when he declared, "O that I were an angel and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people! Yea, I would declare unto every soul, as with the voice of thunder, repentance and the plan of redemption." (Alma 29:1)

Mom would stand here and bare testimony to her children, grandchildren- and to each of you- about our Savior Jesus Christ. She set a constant and consistent example of turning towards the Savior-

In 2010, as a Young Women's leader myself, I was working on my Personal Progress. For one of the requirements I needed to ask a mother I admired what she thought were important attributes for being a Mother. Of course I asked my Mom. In her response back via email she said,

"The first attribute a mother needs is to have faith- Faith in God. Faith that what she is doing is the

right thing. Faith that if she tries her best, Heavenly Father will make up the rest. Faith that even when things don't look so bright or positive, or the late nights and no sleep are getting the best of you, or when your children don't make the best choices or when others criticize you, or when your kids tell you they 'hate your guts,' (that wasn't me!) you are still on the right path. It's a daily test that requires a real conviction that motherhood is important, significant and that there is divine help always."

My mom demonstrated her conviction and faith that there is divine help always. Mom was a women of prayer. She taught me by example. I can not count the number of times I walked into her sewing room in every house we lived in to find her on her knees praying- she never stopped to see what I needed- she prayed on- and I'd slip out quietly. She know's Heavenly Father. She know's Jesus. She didn't miss a moment to pray and speak to them. She knew the power of prayer. Year ago when Dad, Mike and Robert borrowed uncle Russ' trailer to move Mel and Amy to Washington- they encountered numerous problems, especially with tires on the trailer. After they made it to my apartment in Washington safely, Rob made the comment to me that the only reason they made it safely was because Mom was at home praying - making it so.

I'll never forget the evening I was laying in my bed downstairs in the basement shortly after I moved home and filed for divorce. I could not stop sobbing- I could not find peace. I couldn't seem to catch my breath long enough to even say anything to my Mom who walked into my room. She sat down on my bed- I curled up resting my head in her lap as she stroked my hair (just like she did my whole life and even just 2 weeks ago). After a little while she got up, knelt down, and spoke to Heavenly Father on my behalf, as my mother, requesting him to remember the covenants He and I had made withe each other - and in only what I can describe as a humble demand- requested that I feel peace, that I would stop crying and sleep. I've never heard a more faith filled prayer my entire life. I was changed that night forever.

There is nothing more powerful than a Mothers' prayer- it moves mountains.

Through her example I have known my whole life where to turn. Mom taught us where to turn when we sin- Come to Jesus. When we need burdens lifted- Come to Jesus. When they are lifted - Sing to Jesus. When we fall- Fall on Jesus. When we are lonely, when we are in pain- Cry to Jesus. When we are filled with Joy- Dance for Jesus.

Mom's letter continued-

"The second attribute a mother needs is to have faith- faith in her children, their goodness, their talents and abilities and the valuable lovable people that they are- that they truly are Heavenly Father's children to begin with. Faith that they will make the right decisions, that they will contribute positively to your family and the world around them. Faith that they are innately good- I believe that with all my heart. Faith that they are kind, helpful and will ultimately become the kind of people you hope they will become. Sometimes out children will try to prove us wrong and they don't believe in themselves and in their goodness, so a mother's job is to continually remind them of that and encourage the choices that will result in the most good for them. A mother needs to have faith in her children."

Mom had a sign hanging in our home that said, "No Empty Chairs." After her faith in God, nothing was more important than her family and she worked tirelessly towards the goal of having "No Empty Chairs" in heaven. Mom is my biggest cheerleader, no matter what I was doing. She taught by example how to become the best version of ourselves.

Mom once said, "Some people memorialize themselves in good deeds. Mine is memorialized in fabric. My kids will get up at the funeral and say, 'Let me tell you about my mother, She made quilts- The end.'"

Clearly that is not the case. However, I do want to tell you about this particular quilt hanging up front

. This in Mom's first applique quilt. It is so precious to her she didn't want to give it away. In fact she told me she was supposed to be buried in it. Last fall we recorded Mom telling us about her quilts and this is the story she told,

"This is a story of mistakes. A story of continuing to work on things weven when you make mistakes. On the wall hanging up it's beautiful. If you look really close there are threads hanging out, corners no tucked in perfectly. Some of it is embarassing to me. Some is beautiful work. I think I got better. This quilt reminds me that quilting and stitching is a lot like life. Quilting is just one stitch- the same stitch done over and over and over. Up and Down. Up and Down.

Sometimes we think our days are really bad and we just want to crawl in bed and forget about it. Then we think what we do everyday- the same things we do; dishes, kids, homework- life is just boring... It's up and down and up and down... everyday.

But this is what you get when you just keep trying and you just keep going up and down and you keep trying to do your best. And you just let the mistakes be there and you try to do better on the next block or the next part of your life and when you turn around and look back at your life you see mistakes- you see sometimes when you get older they were beautiful, that they were mistakes but you did better. It just means so much to me." (You can listen to Mom tell the story here)

And so, Mom would stand here today and tell each of us that when we make mistakes- Come to Jesus and live! Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ- our lives are made beautiful- mistakes and all. I also stand with my Mom and bare my testimony that I know this to be true. I am eternally grateful for a Mother who knew and spent her beautiful life teaching all who would listen.

Janis Smith: Life Sketch

My mom was only insistent about a few things for her funeral.  First - she wanted lots of music.  She didn't want it to be boring.  Second - she wanted to sing all 6 verses of Redeemer of Israel.  Third - she wanted it to be short - no more than an hour. 

With that goal in mind, I felt so limited about what I could share about my mother. I picked what I thought most accurately described her life and what she meant to me.  So many asked for a copy of my remarks, I thought I'd share them here - on her blog - for other to see and read and hopefully be inspired by her - as I was.

Janis Carter was born on May 2, 1952 to childhood sweethearts Wilma Louise Walker and Shirl Fred Carter.  Janis was their first child and the oldest of the four Carter girls. Her aunt Cleo, her mom’s sister, was the delivery nurse. From that moment on mom and Aunt Cleo were close. 

Janis at 3 years of age

Mom always said that her childhood was fun and adventurous.  She told us stories of some of her favorite moments.  At 3 years of age, mom’s live was miraculously saved by her dog Queenie. Mom walked out into the street in the path of a big semi-truck. Her parents, sitting on the porch, could both see that they couldn’t get to her in time. As her mom screamed, the dog, Queenie, ran into the street and carried mom by her diapers to safety just in time. I think that is what gave mom her affinity to dogs – something she carried her whole life. 

Mom was a good student who loved learning.  In her own words she said: School always came easy for me but I seemed to lack self-control in keeping quiet and not talking or laughing. Learning has always been important to mom. 

Mom’s childhood was spent between Brigham City, Ogden, and Willard, UT.  Her grandparents lived on a small orchard at the end of a dirt road in Willard, near the railroad tracks and across from the LDS cannery.  She told us stories of climbing the apple trees with a salt shaker and eating apples until she was sick.  The tomato trucks would line the street waiting to drop their load at the cannery.  She would walk to the top of the street and climb the truck with her salt and pepper shakers.  She would sit and eat tomatoes until the truck was in front of the cannery.  Then she would climb down from the truck, walk to the top of the street and start over.  She would spend whole afternoons this way when she was visiting her grandparents. 

Her childhood was happy and filled with music and service.  Her dad worked at Hill Airforce Base as an engineer.  He was a gifted trumpet player.  Both of her parents were talents vocalists.  They sang as a family on most Sunday evenings.  Mom told me stories of her dad bringing home soldiers on Sunday nights for dinner and entertainment.  She was always crushing on one soldier or another.

Janis accompanying her father during a family Christmas Party.

Mom learned to play the piano early in life and was very accomplished.  By age 12, she was accompanying her father at musical engagements everywhere.  Because they both had perfect pitch, mistakes were not allowed for either of them. Mom had a great impression of the look her dad would make when she hit the wrong note. Something like this: (Think funny face with one eyebrow up and head tilted to the side). 

Mom loved dance.  She loved everything about it.  She took ballet lessons and learned to dance with point shoes.  Something she was very proud of. When she entered high school, she wanted nothing more than to dance and drill with the Ben Lomond Bonnie Lassies.  She made the elite drill team her junior year of high school, something she was excited about, as not many juniors were selected.  However, she never got to dance with them as her family relocated to southern California before the school year began.

Janis her on Bonnie Lassie uniform

It was in Southern California that she spent almost the next 4 decades of her life.  After graduating from high school she attended Saddleback College and served as the Institute President.  On an institute leadership retreat she met David Smith, a super handsome recently returned missionary.  While mom went to the retreat with the intent of furthering her relationship with another man, David would not leave her alone.  About six months later they were engaged and in another six months they were married in the Los Angeles temple for time and all eternity on September 8, 1972.  Mom was a mere 20 years old.   

Over the next nine year, 7 children joined their family:

·        Melody Ann

·        Annjeanette, stillborn

·        Amy Louise

·        Michael David

·        Robert Wayne

·        Abigail Frances and

·        Andrew Carter

Mom and dad always wanted a big family.  Dad worked multiple jobs to allow mom to stay home with their children, something that was very important to her.  I look back on my childhood as a magical time, though I’m sure for mom it was incredibly challenging.  Raising 6 children so close in age meant for a lot of diapers, meltdowns and illnesses.  I always loved the fact that when I had chicken pocks, so did my siblings.  When I got lice, so did my sisters.  It always meant I had someone to play with at home. For mom, 5 kids with chicken pocks (Andy never got them), was probably a lot less magical than it was for me. 

Mom went to great lengths for the education of her children. Learning and knowledge was incredibly important to her.  She fought to keep us in the best schools and spent years volunteering.  She led a children’s choir at Eastwood elementary school for years.  She served as the president of the PTA for years as well.  Her passion for education eventually led her to run for school board where she was elected! She was an incredible advocate for children everywhere!

Mom was an incredible seamstress.  She made most of her clothes while she was growing up and did the same for her 6 children. She picked up quilting while I was young and it became a lifelong passion for her. She taught quilting classes and formed quilting groups wherever she went, finding ways to connect with other women and help them develop their talents.  Her love of sewing included hand applique, cross stitch and embroidery. She made clothes and quilts, pillows and curtains, bags and table clothes.  She decorated the house monthly and seasonally. She and dad both had a strong belief in home making and bettering your property and home.  The house was always beautiful and always smelled fresh and clean.

Mom served in many callings throughout her life. No matter the calling, she gave her heart and soul to whatever she was asked to do.  Mom loved the gospel with all her heart.  She had a strong testimony of her Savior, Jesus Christ.  She epitomized the saying:  Teach the gospel all of your life, and when necessary – use words.  I remember finding her on her knees or reading her scriptures in both the early mornings and late evenings. She was always quick to ask if I had prayed about something. 

As her children got older and her circumstances changed, mom joined the work force.  She worked for many years as a clerk for Millard County, and later a property and lease manager for the LDS Church.  She retired from church employment in January of 2016.

My mom loved music. She probably forgot more music than I ever learned.  Her musical tastes were vast and deep.  While she could nearly recite every hymn from the hymn book from memory, she could also sing every Jimi Hendrix riff there was. And that is only the tip of the ice berg of her musical tastes and knowledge.  I believe she took every one of us to our first live concert – and is the reason we all had personal stereo systems in our rooms growing up. She played in a rock band in high school and taught all of us to play some musical instrument. One of her favorite things to do is drive fast to very loud music.

While she was praised for her ability to cook – I remember the day my mom told me she hated to cook.  I was so surprised. “But you are so good at it!” I said in protest.  That is because if I’m going to spend time doing something I don’t like – I’m only going to make things that taste really, really good.  That was her philosophy and she stuck to it.

Every year in January, my mom would go to the book store and buy a new stack of books she wanted to read that year.  She was a planner and was always on a path of continual improvement.  There was always something new to learn and something to progress at.  One year, in my younger prudish years, I questioned her choice of some Christian books by authors that were not LDS. Mom sat me down and told me: Truth is truth is truth is truth – no matter where you find it. We had a great discussion about how truth is universal and can be found all around us.  It is the spirit of God that helps us discern truth.  As long as we stay close to the Spirit – we will know what is right and what is truth.  That lessons stuck with me – truth is truth is truth is truth – no matter where you find it.  It opened my eyes to always look for truth and made me work to be discerning in my quest for knowledge and learning.

Mom was not a stranger to physical pain and suffering.  She was first diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in the late 70s. For forty years, she struggling with MS attacks, pain, and the loss of her muscle control, fine motor skills, vision, and physical endurance. In 2008 she was first diagnosed with breast cancer. While she had a few years of remission, she struggled with some of the side effects from cancer treatment for years after in her joints and muscles. Nearly everything was painful. Since the return of her cancer a year ago, mom has been in nearly constant pain. 

A few days before moms passing, I was reflecting on a journal entry from a year ago.  Date: October 4, 2016: Mom went on hospice care this week.  They tell us we have 3-6 months.  I’m not sure I’m ready to do this with another parent.  Mom said – she asked Heavenly Father for a year.  She said she needed a year to get things in order and to finish what she needed to do.  She told me Heavenly Father said yes.  She died exactly a year after I wrote that entry.  Mom was given her year.

I want to conclude with two lessons my mom taught me.

In 2010 – two years after her cancer diagnosis – my mom came to Seattle and spoke at a Single Adult conference.  When many of my friends from that area learned of her passing – so many of them commented about how much her talk had helped them.  Mom spoke about the lessons she had learned lying in bed after her mastectomy a few years previous.  Mom was first diagnosed with cancer in 2008.  She told her own very personal story about lying in bed after surgery – realizing her life was never going to be the same.  She probably wouldn’t be able to do all the things she wanted to do – go on a mission, travel, live to see her grandchildren grow up.  As she was falling asleep her mind turned towards Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. She could see Eve being cast out of the garden after eating the forbidden fruit – mom said she could feel her pain as she was walking and having the realization her life was never going to be the same again.  She was not going to grow old in the garden surrounded by beautiful things. She was going to have to live a hard life. Mom said she could feel Eve’s longing for the life she thought she was going to live.  Mom said she heard the words:  I was with Eve for her Plan B – and I will be with you for yours. Our lives don’t always work out the way we want them to – they may not even be close to what we want – and that is OK – in fact – that is great because we are all on our own IEP she said.  In schools we call them Individualized Education Plans – But mom called them Individualized Exaltation Plans.  The best thing we can do is stop comparing and start living our plan A, B, C or X, Y, Z or whatever plan we are on. That each of us had our own plan – which didn’t look like anyone else’s.  She talked about how we had to quit comparing ourselves to other people and to seek to know our own plan and put the work in to find our own way back to our Heavenly Father.  I will forever be grateful for those words of advice and for the example she was for me in that way.

Last – in 2011 – my dad was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer.  A few weeks after his brain surgery, my mom came to me one morning and said – I need to tell you this story because one day it will be important to you and you will need to share it with others.  Today is that day.  She told me about how the week right after my dad’s brain surgery – she woke up one morning bleeding.  She felt like there was something seriously wrong with her and she was hemorrhaging or something.  She couldn’t stop the bleeding and it went on for a few hours.  She finally got on her knees and prayed.  She told heavenly father that she didn’t have time right now to be sick or have a problem.  That dad was sick and needed her help and she didn’t have time to also be sick.  She asked to be healed.  She asked that the bleeding would stop and that she would be able to resume her work and take care of dad.  From that moment on she quit bleeding.  And then she said – miracles happen all the time Amy if we just ask for them.  We have to ask and we have to be specific.  She said – there is a price to pay for a relationship with our Heavenly Father.  We all have the spirituality we are willing to pay the price for.  The price is paid in time, service, love, forgiveness, and sacrifice.  I will never forget that – we all have the spirituality we are willing to pay the price for.  My mom paid the price for the testimony she had.  And she willingly and lovingly shared that testimony with others as often as she could.

My mom has joined her mom, aunt, daughter, grandmother, husband and other family and friends in the next life where she will continue to be able to do what she loves most – sing the hymns of the gospel and bear her testimony of the Savior.  She couldn’t be happier.

I have shared just a small portion of who my mom and what she has given me and so many others.  I have always described myself as my mother’s daughter.  And I believe that to be true for all things good and challenging.  While I inherited so many amazing things from my mother – and while she taught me so many other things – what I am most grateful for is her example in consistently pointing me to Christ.  It is because of her example that I have my own testimony of Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ.  For that is what allows me to be forgiven and ultimately healed. That is what gives me hope and knowledge of eternal families.  That is what gives me peace at a time of loss like this one. 

Love you mom.

Amy

Permanent Change

A friend told me about a tradition she had heard from an ancient Inca village somewhere in south America. The tradition requires that the night a villager dies, each house or establishment, every farm and fisherman have to permanently alter something visible.  Something about their house or yard, the color, the shape, something permanent has to change. They do this to honor those that are left behind.  For those left behind after death, their world has been permanently altered.  Things will never be the same, ever. The next day, when the loved ones walk through the village, they will know the villagers understand that their world has been permanently altered. Death is honored in this way.

I love that story whether true or not. It is how I feel today as I look at the world. Life will never be the same.  Ever.  I will miss her everyday. Some days it will be disabling, and some days it will barely register. Everyday I will see her around me, feel her around me, and hear her voice in my head. And I will be forever grateful for that.

Obituary for Janis Carter Smith

Janis Carter Smith, age 65, passed away peacefully at home surrounded by family in the early morning on October 4, 2017.

Janis was born May 2, 1952 in Brigham City, Utah to Shirl Fred Carter and Wilma Louise Walker (Deceased), and was the oldest of 4 girls. Known for her quilts and handwork, Janis was an accomplished seamstress, a passion she carried her entire life. She had tremendous musical talents and abilities.  One of her favorite things growing up was accompanying her father while he sang.  She taught piano lessons to countless children throughout her life and instilled in her own family a love for music in all styles and forms. A gifted teacher, Janis spent her entire life teaching others through word and deed. Her top priority was always her family and children. She sacrificed many of her own ambitions to stay home and raise children, something she valued very much.  She was a strong woman with a definite knowledge of right and wrong.  She was constantly found defending what she believed to be right.

Janis was baptized into and had a strong testimony of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and served in many church callings.  Her favorite, by far, was being able to teach seminary.  She loved to share her experiences with the gospel and her testimony to the youth of the church. She and her husband David, were honored to have worked in the Oquirrh Mountain temple.

She married David Curtis Smith (Deceased) on September 8, 1972 in the Los Angeles California temple.  They are the proud parents of 7 children; Melody Ann; Annjeanette (Deceased); Amy Louise; Michael David, (Michelle Dalley); Robert Wayne (Katie Bills); Abigail Frances; and Andrew Carter, (Alina Derevnina).  They are also the loving grandparents to six perfect grandsons and two perfect granddaughters.

Janis was preceded in death and has been reunited with her husband David, daughter Annjeanette, mother Wilma, sister Julie, and many other loving grandparents and relatives.

She is survived by her father Shirl, Pleasanton, CA, 2 sisters: Jodie Stoddart, Alta Loma, CA, Krista Anderson, La Crescenta, CA and many nieces and nephews.

Funeral services will be held at 11:00 a.m., Tuesday, October 10, 2017 at the Lindon 6^th Ward Chapel, 56 East 600 North, Lindon, Utah. A viewing will be held from 9:30-10:45 a.m. prior to services. Interment will be in the Timpanogos Memorial Gardens Cemetery. Condolences may be expressed at www.bergmortuary.com.

In lieu of flowers, the family asks that donations be made to the LDS Perpetual Education fund that helps struggling individuals get an education and better their lives.  Donations can be made at: http://bit.ly/2z2n3AR

The family would like to express their gratitude and appreciation to the Intermountain Hospice Care employees.

Foot By Foot

Two nights ago I was sitting next to my Mom as she talked about improving ourselves, learning and growing constantly. She talked about sometimes it's really overwhelming but that you just have to pick one thing and work on it, then pick another and work on that. She recounted to me a story about when Mike and his family, along with Mom, moved into their brand new home. There was so much work to be done on the outside landscape it was overwhelming. Mom would tell Mike to just pick a one foot area and work on that... Eventually foot by foot the yard would become beautiful. If you've ever seen Mike's yard, you know that it is beautiful.

Grandma with her Granddaughters. They LOVE being together

Hearing my Mom tell that to me the other night reminded me of a conversation I had with a complete stranger in the Phoenix airport while I sat waiting for my flight to Salt Lake to visit with my Mom. I was sitting at one of those charging stations, charging my phone while reading a book. A man approached and sat to my left and said, "You don't see a real book with pages very often these days. What are you reading?" I closed the book, preferring conversation with people over reading anyways, and showed him the cover with the title, The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz. This stranger and I talked for 30 minutes about the book and the idea behind it: That the size of your success is determined by the size of your belief. Your brain and thoughts are often the biggest obstacles in our way to becoming who we can become. On the reverse side, you can use your thoughts to move past those obstacles.

This stranger asked me if I knew where I got this notion in my head that I can always choose to improve and become better and be successful. Without hesitation I said, "My Mom. She's always reading books and learning and growing. From the time I can remember she was always striving to improve her life, the life of her kids and the lives of those she came in contact with. In fact, last time I was home with her she showed me a new planner she bought and in the front of it there was a whole section on thinking through your goals and desires. She said to me, 'You probably think it's silly that I'm doing this since I'm dying.' but I expect nothing less from her. That's the example she set for me- a healthy striving for improving, for becoming a better person, for learning, for changing, for becoming who we were meant to become."

The man quickly reminded me of something I've always known... I'm really blessed to have that example in my life. I'm blessed to know that I just need to work "foot by foot" on myself and I'll always be the best I can be. What I love about my Mom's example is that I've never felt like if I wasn't perfect Now! in whatever aspect of my life I was working on than I wasn't beautiful. I've always seen from her that the beauty is there already, the work helps you see it more. I love you Mom!

taking the oxygen tank to the porch

UPDATE on Mom: It's been awhile since we updated everyone. I am happy to report we are 2 1/2 months past the six month time frame the doctor gave us when we received the official diagnosis. This 4th of July weekend marks the year mark that Mom took herself to the emergency room from severe pain and left being told to contact her oncologist. Mom has been in severe pain because of this cancer for over a year now.

Mom's ability to breathe continuously declines. She is now not only on oxygen at night, or right after she exerts some energy... but it's pretty much constant. This weekend while I was home I helped her to figure out and feel confident using her portable oxygen tanks. If she plans to be out of her room for more than 10 or so minutes she now tows her tank along with her. She is draining her lung at least once a day, sometimes twice to relieve pressure pain and increase her ability to breathe.

preparing to drain her lung

Mom also suffers with really bad stomach pain and nausea. One theory is that the tumors leak calcium and since they are growing perhaps too much calcium is being circulated in her body causing the upset stomach. We still have no definite cause.  For a long time all she was eating was ritz crackers. We've switched her over to alkaline water plus she's developed a morning routine to go on the offensive against the nausea which seems to be working wonders and Mom is eating a larger selection of food.

I'm tankful for everyday we have with Mom. How much time we have left together is unknown. It's a roller coaster of emotions as I know that if  I'm still getting to spend time with her it means she is still enduring so much pain and anguish. I hate that part.

Home is Where Your Mom is

We moved a lot growing up. And while the zip codes and addresses changed there were some constants that my parents put in place. One of those constants in my life is my Mom; who she was, is and is consistently trying to become. While my Mom may be slowly losing some of her physical and mental abilities, when you walk into her home, I still feel that constant... the epitome of who she is.

Scriptures, and books about our Savior and His doctrine piled on her nightstand. Pictures of her kids, grand kids and my Dad in every direction. A gallery of her grand children's art adorning her walls along side her own artistic quilting and hand stitch work. Fresh flowers and plants sprinkled here and there. A day planner sitting on her bed highlights the sense of order in which she brings to every space or sphere of influence. Sitting close by is the most recent book on whatever she wanted to learn about next. Speakers connected to her phone to play the music that fits the mood. A cutting table and sewing machine sitting in their rightful place. Stacks of fabric and patterns to dream about possibility in.

This is my Mom. This is home. This is the place I long to be that very few places compare to. She is a woman of great faith, faith that has moved mountains in her life and in mine. She is a woman of family, family that stands the test of time. She is a woman of creation, creation that builds others and brings beauty to seemingly ordinary spaces. She is a woman of learning, learning that empowers. She is a woman of music, music that transforms moods. She is a woman of love. To know my Mom is to know love. And in that love is home.

Update on Mom: Mom is slowing loosing strength and stamina. Because of this, Mom sleeps and takes rests a lot. She drains her lung every other day now, and that brings some relief to the constant pain and discomfort she feels. About a month ago a doctor from the hospice company came out to evaluate her. He could feel the tumors that are growing in her ribs on her back. Those tumors have cause severe pain. Mom loves to sit and talk with us, and visitors, she just has a hard time coming up with the words she is thinking of. She often deals with dizzy spells and an upset stomach. It's heartbreaking to watch and I can't even begin to image how this feels to Mom. We cry a lot together.

Please hold a place for her in your prayers. I believe in prayer. I learned that from my Mom.

Precious Time

 Over the past six months I've spent a lot of time at the airport, in order to have precious time with my Mom.  I'm tired of flying, but I'm so glad to have this time with my Mom.  We spend a lot of time sitting and sleeping, which is the best way to spend time with her.  We watch our British mystery and crime shows and just hold hands.

 One of the best parts of my visits is watching my youngest niece interact with my mom.  Its a rare day when  Sienna doesn't come in to visit (watch shows on HER kindle).  They have so much fun together.  Telling stories and hanging out with Sienna's favorite Pink Monkey Man. I even had to get my own Monkey Man - Purple Monkey man so I had something to contribute.  

It's hard knowing that Sienna will only remember what we tell her about the time she spent with her grandma.  But this is such precious time for her and my mom. 

Be the Good

This Christmas Mom gave each of her children the sign pictured above. She explained that with all that is going on in this world, we not only need to believe there is still good, we need to BE the good in the world. This is not a new message she suddenly decided to start teaching us.  Throughout my entire life I have watched closely the example, in words and deeds, Mom has set for me.  She IS the good in this world.

During some reading this week I came across a talk given in October 2013 by Elder D. Todd Christofferson. In his remarks he said,

"A woman's moral influence is nowhere more powerfully felt or more beneficially employed than in the home."

My Mom took the responsibility of being a mother seriously. She did all in her power to teach each of her children correct and true principles to base their own life decisions on.

"In all events, a mother can exert an influence unequaled by any other person in any other relationship. By the power of her example and teaching, her sons learn to respect womanhood and to incorporate discipline and high moral standards in their own lives. Her daughters learn to cultivate their own virtue and stand up for what is right, again and again, however unpopular. A mother's love and high expectations lead her children to act responsibly without excuses, to be serious about education and personal development, and to make ongoing contributions to the well-being of all around them."

I don't have to think hard to remember examples of my Mom showing by word and deed to be serious about my own education and personal development.  To this day Mom seeks out opportunities to learn. She gave up her own collage education to be home with us.  Perhaps that is the greatest sacrifice one who LOVES learning could give in order to watch over the education and personal development of her children. To me as her daughter, going to college was a non-negotiable. She is constantly reading from authors of all kinds and sharing her thoughts, ideas and beliefs with me and my other siblings. I have the same burning desire to learn and improve.

Mom wasn't just a Mom to us.  She became the Mom to my friends and sibling's friends.  I remember once in high school a friend of mine and my brothers showed up at the front door.  I informed him that my brothers were not home, He said, "That's okay. Is your Mom home? I came to see her."  Recently that same friend wrote me a note and part of it said, "I wanted you to tell her thank you for being such a bad-ass. I still think of your family often. Your Bros and mom are all a huge part of my past. She's definitely influenced the way I parent." By just being the person she is Mom made contributions to the well-being of all around her. I'm sure you have a story or instance where my Mom has made a contribution to your well-being. If you do, we'd love to read about them in the comments. These stories will help us remind ourselves and her grandchildren who Mom is.

This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to how my Mom has influenced my life and the person I am.  When I read those passages I quoted above, a greater depth of love and gratitude just filled my heart.  I hope each day that through my words and actions I can honor her and the values she instilled in me. I think that is the only I can carry her legacy forward.

Update on Mom: Mom continues to live what has become a "normal" day for us and is still pretty much independent. About a week and a half ago Mom's pain level dramatically increased and she was out for a number of days.  That pain has only slightly decreased which means the level of pain medication Mom is taking has increased.  She continues to participate in our lives as much as possible. Last Saturday she was most happy to be able to go watch her oldest grandson, Lincoln, play in his final basketball game of the season.  She is so proud of him and the young man he is.  Later that day she also got to watch another grandson, Crew, play in his basketball game.  She said it was so great to watch him out there having so much fun playing.  After very active days like that, Mom has to recover.  Her recovery times are increasing.  We are so very grateful that we still have her with us. That she gets to enjoy her family that she so tirelessly cares for.

When You've Got a Little Attitude

For Christmas in 1996 - 20 years ago - mom gave me this wall hanging for Christmas.  Every day for the last 20 years this has hung somewhere in my house... usually my bedroom, but sometimes somewhere else.

She probably knew I had a massive attitude (j/k mom) and needed a daily reminder about how to combat this massive attitude of mine.  ;)

For years I have kept a (near) daily gratitude journal.  Something I picked up from my mom.  It has changed my life.  Every day I write down a list of 5 things I'm grateful for.  When I can't seem to find anything I'm grateful for - or am having a pity party for myself - I list things until I start to feel grateful.  And when I feel grateful, when I recognize the amazing blessings I have, my attitude goes away.

  Over the years, as I reflected on my journal, I noticed just how much my mom appears in these entries.  Over and over again, she shows up, consistently helping me and guiding me.  Here are a few from over the past several years.  In 2014, she even showed up twice on the same list!!

Being grateful for the little things... cookies, humidifiers, choir practice, desires for change, people in my life, even the fish in my life has done amazing things for me.  It helps me to stay grounded. It helps me


Another great thing that has helped me in moments of difficulty as sending thank you cards.  Here is a picture of some of the favorites I have ready to send at any moment.  I love thank you cards.  I love receiving them and I love sending them.  I love looking for reasons to send them  I love acknowledging what people have done for me and the amazing ways they contribute to my life.

My mom is one of those amazing people that has contributed to my life.  I don't know how to find the words to express my gratitude for the way she has shaped me, helped me and supported me.  I don't think there are any words.  I just try to live my life by the lessons she has taught me.  So when I've got a little attitude - I try a little gratitude!  And so far - it has worked every time.

We had a great holiday season with mom.  It was definitely a season of extremes.  Some amazing, beautiful moments that will forever light my life, and some difficult, painful moments for both mom and those of us watching.  Life is like that, isn't it?  Amazing, beautiful, difficult, and painful all at the same time.  Sometimes, I think we have a hard time holding both of those seemingly contradicting feelings at the same time.  Holding them together and accepting them as part of journey.  We sometimes believe it has to be one or the other.  Something or someone is either all great or all terrible.  We either love or hate it.  That simply isn't true.  Grief has taught me that lesson and I will be forever grateful for it.  Events and people are BOTH good and bad, beautiful and difficult, amazing and painful ALL AT THE SAME TIME.  I can enjoy the good, beautiful and amazing and work through the bad, difficult and painful, and not let one distract from or cast shadow on the other.

Just like having an attitude and gratitude all at the same time.

You Can Endure Anything When You Know It's Temporary

In January of 2003 I made my first official move after college to California with a friend. I had a job lined up that would start the first of March and hers started right away. That left me working a temporary job, sitting in front of a computer 8 hours a day in a warehouse. I was miserable. I called my Mom often to tell her I just could do it any more and she'd talk me off the "quit Your Job" ledge. Finally one day, probably exasperated by my complaining and lack of gratitude, yet as always, being my biggest cheerleader said, "You can endure anything when you know it's temporary!" That has been my mantra many times in my life when things haven't turned out the way I wanted.  I say it to myself (often) when I'm working out or hiking carrying two backpacks. To me the saying is full of hope, optimism, strength and confidence.

When I moved home at the beginning of September I would spend every evening with my Mom. We'd sit in her bed after the grandkids had gone to sleep and watch a show together (or a few). I'd leave around 10 or 10:30 (well past my normal bed time). Mom would walk me out to the steps of the front porch; after a hug and kiss goodnight I'd walk to my car, start it up, pull a u-turn and stop to wave goodbye to my Mom.  She would patiently wait every night and wave, and wave, and wave goodbye as I drove away.  I distinctly remember one night saying out loud to myself, "One day she won't be able to do that."

Tonight for the second time in a row, I had the privilege of tucking my Mom into bed. We tuck her feet

into the quilt that lays at the bottom of her bed, she lays on her side and I cover her with a warm fuzzy blanket.  I lean down, hug her tight, try to hold back the tears that are always so close to the surface, whisper in her ear to sleep well and tell her how much I love her, then kiss her cheek and forehead.  With the flip of a switch her bedroom is dark, and I slip out. All the way home I pray for angels to be with her, to protect her if she gets out of bed. I plead for her pain to be eased. I petition for a Christmas miracle that she'll gain her strength and be able to enjoy the family events this weekend we are all looking forward to. And I ponder the purpose behind Mom being asked to endure so much pain, Why after a life of being aquatinted with constant physical pain and ailments is she being asked to suffer so much more. And then I hear my Mom's voice on the phone, "You can endure anything when you know its temporary."

In one quick moment I pray it's temporary for her. And I think of the words in this song, that have echoed in my heart for months now,

The Robe

(Jenny Phillips/Tyler Castleton)

Faithful women reached through the crowd
And her hands gently touched Your robe
And You through Your grace made her whole
And now my broken body is fading fast
And like her I’m searching through the crowds
Desperate to find You somehow

And I’m reaching for that robe
I know that You can make me whole
But if its not meant to be that way
If I can’t stay
Then just wrap me in that robe and hold me when I go

If You call me home to You
Please help those who love me understand
We are still held together by Your hands

I’m reaching for that robe
I know that You can make me whole
But maybe in a different way
If I can’t stay
Then just wrap me in that robe, and hold me when I go

Hold her when she goes
Hold her when she goes

Right now we take turns wraaping Mom up in our arms and holding her; enduring this temporary painful time together. I am grateful to know that her suffering is temporary. Grateful to know that one day she will be dancing and singing and teaching pain free on the other side of the vail. And most grateful to know that we are and always will be held together by His hands.  When the time comes, our physical separation is only temporary, and I can endure anything when I know it's temporary. What keeps me going is knowing that she is being wrapped in our Savior's Robe constantly.

Update on Mom: If you've read this far, you can probably tell that this week has not been a good one. Monday afternoon Mom's pain skyrocketed.  She describes it as an internal pain around her rib cage. She feels it is different than a pulled muscle that she experience a few months ago. We do know there are spots of cancer in her bones of her rib cage. I would love if this was just a pulled muscle because that means the pain will subside...  Mom is on a heavy dose of pain meds all the time right now to try to get the pain under control and managed. This means Mom is not always fully with us  and isn't able to get around on her own. We ask that you join with us in prayer for her pain to was up a bit. Send your positive thoughts and blessings her way if you have some to spare!

Bed Time Stories

From the time I can remember my Mom read to us at night.  Dad worked nights, so she'd get us all ready for bed and in our rooms, hoping we'd go to sleep. She'd sit in the hallway; our bedroom doors open and bring to life the tales of....The Little House on the Prairie, Indian in the Cupboard, Frog and Toad, The Sideway Stories from Wayside School, Ramona the Pest, Mouse and the Motor Cycle

To be honest I couldn't recite to you the list of books, or the general story line of most of those books.  I fall asleep REALLY easily and I was young.  What I do remember is listening to my Mom's voice as I fell asleep and that my Mom faithfully spent the time to read to us.

To say reading was important in our home would be an understatement. We had a great library of books.  Reading is how we expand our minds and imaginations. My Dad was constantly reading; Louis L'Amour books being his favorite. Mom is still constantly reading; murder mysteries being her favorite. She is also constantly reading books that expand her knowledge about the gospel. Plus I'm  sure I inherited her love of non-fiction, self improvement books. In fact the other night my mom handed me her small kindle and listed a bunch of books on there she thought I'd really like and would help me right now.

Pretty much every night my little niece runs into Grandma's room, grabs a book and climbs up on the bed asking for a bedtime story. Grandma is always up for a bedtime story.  It's one of the cutest things ever. I grieve over the fact that that my kids won't ever get to hear my Mom read bedtime stories.


Just the other night, before I left my Mom's house, she read me a bedtime story.  It was a story about Noah, God's love and a cradle in the form of an Ark. It's a story of God's heart breaking for us, and his tears flooding the earth. It's a story of God's arms wide open in His uncontainable, unending, unconditional, unbeatable, unfailing, unwrappable love.

"God sees our tears now. And the hurt flooding our world right now. And He offers everyone the greatest gift- a rescue, a wooden cradle, a wooden cross- and He whispers, "Come to Jesus." Noah and his family were saved by the ark. You and the whole family on this earth are saved by Jesus alone

Some horrible, awful, miserable, very bad days, you may look around and say, "If there is a God who really cares, He'd look at our world and His heart would break.

And God looks to Jesus, who went to the cross, that real tree, and says, "Look- My heart did break."

So when those floods of bad things happen, if you lean toward Jesus- if you incline toward Jesus, if you rest in Jesus- you get the Gift of Jesus, like an ark of love, holding you, carrying you, raising you gently up through any flood of sadness that fills the world."

As always, Mom with every word, every moment, every deed points me to the One who can heal and comfort me and you.

Update on Mom: For the past little while we have been draining Mom's lung twice a week. However, that has changed. We are now draining somewhere between 300 and 400 ml every two days.  That's a big increase.  The pain from this fluid build up is heightened by the lymphedema Mom experiences from her mastectomy back in 2008.  Thankfully she does receive some relief right after the drain occurs.  Mom is more tired these days too.

Living Legend

Mom's bishop has decided that one way to honor the older members of the ward is to share stories from their lives with others, so that all can benefit. He's calling it the Living Legends. A week or so ago, a sister in the ward came and visited with Mom for awhile. Mom thoroughly enjoyed the visit. When I walked up to the house today I found the Living Legends newsletter on the door.  It is being handed out to all the families in the ward. Here are two experiences, written by this sister, Mom shared with her from her life.

Favorite holiday memory:
When Janis was a Junior in High School, her family moved from Utah to Southern California. Her father had moved the family there to start a new job. The job fell through and the family struggled as he sought alternate employment. Since they moved in October money was still a problem as Christmas neared. Janis had two sisters near her age and one sister who is much younger. The parents decided and the three older sisters agreed to severely curtail their Christmas so that the youngest girl could have a nicer one. Each of the older girls go one piece of material, one record album, and a lipstick {these three things so typify my mom, and her family}. The parents got no gift.

It was a little grim with no snow and no friends, but the family gathered as it was their tradition to sing Christmas songs and carols around the piano. They were singing "White Christmas," when the doorbell rang and someone shouted "Merry Christmas, Carters." When they opened the door there were sacks of food on their porch. All the makings of a grand Christmas Feast and much more to fill the pantry for some time. It completely surprised and humbled them as they had never before been on the receiving end of such loving service.

It remains today, Janis' favorite holiday memory. Her father was soon employed and the family comfortable again. But from that day to this, her family has gathered around the piano to sing "White Christmas" and give thanks for their blessings and to reaffirm their intention to be totally generous to others at Christmas time. {This is a well known story among our family.  There has never been a family Christmas party where this song has not been sung, ususally through a flood of tears. Consequently, some of MY most favorite Christmas memories involve buying Christmas gifts for families in need and leaving in the front porch and running away as quick as we could after ringing the doorbell.  My Mom has continued to live the intention to be totally generous to others at Christmas time.}

This video is dark and old... 1992.  And it is great to watch! Mom is on the piano, and the "little" sister from the story is the one holding the baby in the video

A difficult challenge:

Mom's School Board Picture

One difficult challenge Janis faced was when she ran for public office and won. The loyal opposition quickly started a campaign of misinformation and intimidation to force Janis to vote for their agenda. When she did not do so, the attacks intensified. She was frequently questioned, even harassed in public. It became difficult to leave the house. She spent a lot of time reviewing her beliefs and motives; she shed tears; then she decided to continue to act with integrity. One Sunday as she sat in church singing the song "Reverently and Meekly Now," she was profoundly drawn to the words in the beginning of verse three. They resonated with her and she knew moving forward was possible.
     
       "Bid thine heart all strife to cease,
         With they brethren be at peace.
         Oh forgive as thou wouldst be
         E'en forgiven now by me."  - Joseph Townsend

Mom shared this story with me for the first time this fall as the presidential election was going strong. I am continually blessed by the stories and lessons from her life my Mom shares with me. She is definitely a Living Legend!

Update on Mom: Mom's pain was through the roof early this past week. We think in part because of the permanent tube in her lung moved unexpectedly.  Her lung cells continue to leak fluid and fill the pleura cavity with increased frequency.  We are still draining twice a week, but the amount of fluid has increased with each drain. We never know how each day will be as far as pain, discomfort and breathing ability.  As many of you have commented... Mom always looks good in the pictures we post.  She is a brave, strong women who has dealt with pain her entire life and is very good at hiding the pain and discomfort. She reads the blog and comments you all make, so if you feel inclined, leave her some encouragement and love.
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The Hidden Forces Of Life

My mom has always been an amazing writer, though she would never admit that.  Whether it is roadshows, song lyrics, stories or poems, my mom has a great imagination and a way with words.

I have great memories of her writing.....
Several years in a row, she was on the roadshow writing committee for our church congregation.  These were full blown 18 minute musicals with plots, costume and scene changes - and of course original lyrics!  After winning several years in a row (I believe that was the case), several new "rules" were put into place.  My mom thoughts these rules were unnecessary and just plain dumb.  So -- she wrote a whole roadshow about how dumb the rules were.  And she won.  Of course she did.  One of my favorite songs - sung to The Toreador Song, from Carmen by Bizet has the lyrics:

"We have the job of making up the rules.
We do it well.  They are such jewels.
We do just as the king has asked us to,
Though we are humble and few."

As a young third grader, we had to write a fable for class.  I have a very vivid memory of sitting out in the front yard with my mom lamenting the fact that I couldn't come up with ANYTHING to write.  I had no idea how to write or what to write about.  On the spot my mom made up this amazing fable about why the trees lose their leaves every year.  It had something to do with a negotiation between the grass, flowers and the trees for time in the sun while it wasn't hot enough to burn them. It was beautiful!  I quickly went inside and wrote down my version of the story, as close to what I could remember from my mom as possible.  I don't remember all of it -- but I do remember that I won a writing award for the fable!  A red ribbon! I'm sure it is still in a box somewhere.

In college, I called her many times looking for help with papers, with rhyming poetry, or for ideas about stories.  And she never disappoints. Ever. 

As a grandma, she is known for the great stories she tells and for the amazing adventures she spins about her own grandchildren.  She has journals and writings about all sorts of things from her life.  This is a talent she has passed down to all of us in some form or another.  Whether it is academia, pleasure writing, or song lyrics - each of us has benefits in some way from mom's writing talent.

Just a few months ago, while cleaning out some old boxes, she shared with me a poem she wrote in 2010.  She had a book that had a writing different writing challenge in it for every day of the year.  The challenge for this day was a poem.  Here it is. 

The Hidden Forces of Life

Come home - this place is not for you

To settle in and feel content.

Come home - this space is not your own

It's just a temporary rent.

Come home.

Feel this pain? It's just for you

while you are in this earthly sphere

To teach you to want sweet relief

In arms of angels always near.

Come home.

See the plants all dried and bent?

And brown dead grass upon the ground?

Do you not long for all to live

Beyond this grave to which you're bound?

Come home.

To life and love and flowers sweet

Come home to family, friends and more

Come home to find your heavenly place

Come home to all you've know before.

Come home.

-- Janis Smith, Written May 5, 2010

I find great peace in this beautiful poem.  My mom has always been a great source of spiritual strength in my life.  I am confident in the reality of life after death and the arms of angels waiting for us on the other side as we go home.  When my dad was dying, I read and studied much about death and the after life.  One of my most favorite and comforting passage comes from President Russell M. Nelson in a talk titled "The Doors of Death".  He says:

"Life does not begin with birth, nor does it end with death. Prior to our birth, we dwelled as spirit children with our Father in Heaven. There we eagerly anticipated the possibility of coming to earth and obtaining a physical body. Knowingly we wanted the risks of mortality, which would allow the exercise of agency and accountability. “This life [was to become] a probationary state; a time to prepare to meet God.” (Alma 12:24.) But we regarded the returning home as the best part of that long-awaited trip, just as we do now. Before embarking on any journey, we like to have some assurance of a round-trip ticket. Returning from earth to life in our heavenly home requires passage through—and not around—the doors of death. We were born to die, and we die to live. (See 2 Cor. 6:9.) As seedlings of God, we barely blossom on earth; we fully flower in heaven."

It has been an up and down week for mom.  Her dad came to visit for Thanksgiving and we had a great few days... more to come on that.  With that came a lot of activity and movement, which can be painful for my mom.  She doesn't breathe well and can't hold her breath at all.  Something I totally take for granted.  You hold your breath for a few seconds all day long!!!  I never noticed that until this came up.... when you wash your hair, brush your teeth, cry or talk.  All of those things are difficult for her because she can't breathe well.  Her lung keeps taking on more fluid though we drain it regularly. She's looking forward to some down time this week before we pack her up to see The Nutcracker on Saturday.

Thank you for your continued well wishes and prayers.  I know I feel their strength.

Amy

What advice would you want?

Ever since I found out about my mom's situation, I've been asking her for advice she wants to leave behind like:

• you are better than no one
• read as much as you can - all the time

So what kinds of questions or advice would you want from your mom?  I'm running out of questions to ask her.

Hospice Care

Fall is one of my mom's favorite times of year.  Actually, my mom loves every time of year except summer.  Summer is too darn hot!

I love fall as well.  I love all things nature and plants.  I think I get that from both my mom and my dad.  I wish I could grow things like my mom can.  My mom has an amazingly green thumb.  She grows plants, flowers, gardens, trees, vegetables, and everything else.  I can't even keep my Aloe Vera plant alive, seriously! But - I keep trying and keep buying plants thinking that one day, I'll be able to make it work.

Back to fall.  I believe there is a deeper meaning to the seasons.  The prophet Alma teaches us:  "All things denote there is a God; yea, even the earth, and all things that are upon the face of it, yea, and its motion, yea, and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator."  The planets moving -- the seasons -- denote that there is a God and witness of a Supreme Creator.  Each season has amazing things to teach us. After working all year to grow things and make the world beautiful, autumn teaches us that there is also beauty in letting things go, in letting things run their course and even in death.  Fall teaches and testifies in our Supreme Creator and shows us the beauty of death.

This week we began hospice care for my mom.  After a few months of testing, waiting, and testing again, we have begun the next phase of this process.  Mom had a lung catheter put in last Monday and began hospice care on Tuesday.  The catheter allows us to drain the fluid off of her lung at will.  This will help us keep her more comfortable and allow for better breathing.  She has had a rough time recovering from the procedure.  It is incredibly painful and has limited her movement and her strength.  We are hoping some solid rest and recovery will help relieve some of her discomfort.

Tonight we walked outside to view the super moon.  "It is so beautiful!" was her comment.  All things denote there is a God.  I'm so grateful to my mom for living that and teaching me that.

A Brief History

In May 2008, my mom was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.  She had a radical mastectomy, where they also took all the lymph nodes, endured 2 rounds of chemotherapy, and by the end of that year was as close to cancer free as you can be after a cancer battle.  I hate cancer.

Cancer was rough on my mom, who has struggled with Multiple Sclerosis from age 26 and severe arthritis.  Removing the lymph nodes caused severe lymphedema and some circulation problems in her right arm.  But, in true survivor fashion, she moved on with her life enduring her pain suffering well.

According to cancer.net, it is estimated that 40,890 people die from breast cancer each year, 40,450 women and 440 men.  If you are diagnosed with cancer only in the breast, the 5-year survival rate is 99%.  If the cancer has spread to the lymph nodes, the 5-year survival rate is 85%.  If the cancer has metastasized when they find it initially, the 5-year survival rate is only 26%.

May 2016 mom celebrated 8 years being cancer free.  It was also that month that she started to experience some severe pain.

The pain began in her spine and moved forward around her rib cage and abdomen.  It was intense.  It would come for a few days at a time and then subside.  After some research, she determined it was the "MS Hug", a fairly common symptom of Multiple Sclerosis.  Over the next 6 weeks the pain increased in frequency and duration.  Finally, on July 5, mom went to the ER.  The initial testing showed several small nodules in both lungs.  From there, the testing began.

After weeks of appointments with multiple doctors and a variety of testing the final diagnosis is Metastatic Breast Cancer (meaning it migrated to another area of the body) in the bones and the lungs.  The survival rates for Metastatic Breast Cancer are grim.  Most of the time, less than a  year.  Mom has chosen, at this time, to not pursue treatment.

She posted this on her Facebook Page on August 7:

Life is on my mind tonight. For me, July has been the month from hell. From the 1st of July to the 3rd of August there have been tests and doctor visits and the ER room and meds and pain and now I have found out that the cancer has come back in my bones and probably in the lungs as well. There is no cure for metastatic cancer; only managing the effects. I have decided not to do any further treatment. I have no idea how much longer I will survive. If it's lung cancer, the doctor said 3-6 months. If it's bone cancer 1-3 years. We will repeat the tests in 2 months to see which one is growing the fastest. I am praying it is not lung cancer. But I have developed a wheeze and a constant cough and I can't breathe very well sometimes. We'll see. 

I am writing this on Facebook rather than sending hundreds of emails to everyone. I hope you understand. 

To all of you who have been a part of the amazing life I have had here, thank you. You all have added to my experience and education while I have been here. I have had an amazing life and I am very grateful for every experience I've had..every single one. 

My girls are going to put a blog together where status updates will be given. We did this with David and it turned into a great memorial to him and a place my children go to remember and think of him. When I get that address, I will post it.
Again, thank you.
I love you all.
Janis

When my dad was diagnosed with cancer in 2011, we created a blog to be able to share his battle with our family and friends.  You can read about it here.  It was great to share my dad's progress and to hear from so many people who had touched my dad's life.

This blog has a slightly different purpose.  Our goal in starting this blog is to provide a place where we can record notes and stitches about my mom.  Notes in the form of music, letters, reminders, stories, recipes, etc.  And stitches in the form of fabric, quilts, and sewing, but also in the form of stitching your life back up, and moving forward.  Because that is who my mom is.

I love you, mom.

Amy