You Can Endure Anything When You Know It's Temporary

In January of 2003 I made my first official move after college to California with a friend. I had a job lined up that would start the first of March and hers started right away. That left me working a temporary job, sitting in front of a computer 8 hours a day in a warehouse. I was miserable. I called my Mom often to tell her I just could do it any more and she'd talk me off the "quit Your Job" ledge. Finally one day, probably exasperated by my complaining and lack of gratitude, yet as always, being my biggest cheerleader said, "You can endure anything when you know it's temporary!" That has been my mantra many times in my life when things haven't turned out the way I wanted.  I say it to myself (often) when I'm working out or hiking carrying two backpacks. To me the saying is full of hope, optimism, strength and confidence.

When I moved home at the beginning of September I would spend every evening with my Mom. We'd sit in her bed after the grandkids had gone to sleep and watch a show together (or a few). I'd leave around 10 or 10:30 (well past my normal bed time). Mom would walk me out to the steps of the front porch; after a hug and kiss goodnight I'd walk to my car, start it up, pull a u-turn and stop to wave goodbye to my Mom.  She would patiently wait every night and wave, and wave, and wave goodbye as I drove away.  I distinctly remember one night saying out loud to myself, "One day she won't be able to do that."

Tonight for the second time in a row, I had the privilege of tucking my Mom into bed. We tuck her feet

into the quilt that lays at the bottom of her bed, she lays on her side and I cover her with a warm fuzzy blanket.  I lean down, hug her tight, try to hold back the tears that are always so close to the surface, whisper in her ear to sleep well and tell her how much I love her, then kiss her cheek and forehead.  With the flip of a switch her bedroom is dark, and I slip out. All the way home I pray for angels to be with her, to protect her if she gets out of bed. I plead for her pain to be eased. I petition for a Christmas miracle that she'll gain her strength and be able to enjoy the family events this weekend we are all looking forward to. And I ponder the purpose behind Mom being asked to endure so much pain, Why after a life of being aquatinted with constant physical pain and ailments is she being asked to suffer so much more. And then I hear my Mom's voice on the phone, "You can endure anything when you know its temporary."

In one quick moment I pray it's temporary for her. And I think of the words in this song, that have echoed in my heart for months now,

The Robe

(Jenny Phillips/Tyler Castleton)

Faithful women reached through the crowd
And her hands gently touched Your robe
And You through Your grace made her whole
And now my broken body is fading fast
And like her I’m searching through the crowds
Desperate to find You somehow

And I’m reaching for that robe
I know that You can make me whole
But if its not meant to be that way
If I can’t stay
Then just wrap me in that robe and hold me when I go

If You call me home to You
Please help those who love me understand
We are still held together by Your hands

I’m reaching for that robe
I know that You can make me whole
But maybe in a different way
If I can’t stay
Then just wrap me in that robe, and hold me when I go

Hold her when she goes
Hold her when she goes

Right now we take turns wraaping Mom up in our arms and holding her; enduring this temporary painful time together. I am grateful to know that her suffering is temporary. Grateful to know that one day she will be dancing and singing and teaching pain free on the other side of the vail. And most grateful to know that we are and always will be held together by His hands.  When the time comes, our physical separation is only temporary, and I can endure anything when I know it's temporary. What keeps me going is knowing that she is being wrapped in our Savior's Robe constantly.

Update on Mom: If you've read this far, you can probably tell that this week has not been a good one. Monday afternoon Mom's pain skyrocketed.  She describes it as an internal pain around her rib cage. She feels it is different than a pulled muscle that she experience a few months ago. We do know there are spots of cancer in her bones of her rib cage. I would love if this was just a pulled muscle because that means the pain will subside...  Mom is on a heavy dose of pain meds all the time right now to try to get the pain under control and managed. This means Mom is not always fully with us  and isn't able to get around on her own. We ask that you join with us in prayer for her pain to was up a bit. Send your positive thoughts and blessings her way if you have some to spare!

Bed Time Stories

From the time I can remember my Mom read to us at night.  Dad worked nights, so she'd get us all ready for bed and in our rooms, hoping we'd go to sleep. She'd sit in the hallway; our bedroom doors open and bring to life the tales of....The Little House on the Prairie, Indian in the Cupboard, Frog and Toad, The Sideway Stories from Wayside School, Ramona the Pest, Mouse and the Motor Cycle

To be honest I couldn't recite to you the list of books, or the general story line of most of those books.  I fall asleep REALLY easily and I was young.  What I do remember is listening to my Mom's voice as I fell asleep and that my Mom faithfully spent the time to read to us.

To say reading was important in our home would be an understatement. We had a great library of books.  Reading is how we expand our minds and imaginations. My Dad was constantly reading; Louis L'Amour books being his favorite. Mom is still constantly reading; murder mysteries being her favorite. She is also constantly reading books that expand her knowledge about the gospel. Plus I'm  sure I inherited her love of non-fiction, self improvement books. In fact the other night my mom handed me her small kindle and listed a bunch of books on there she thought I'd really like and would help me right now.

Pretty much every night my little niece runs into Grandma's room, grabs a book and climbs up on the bed asking for a bedtime story. Grandma is always up for a bedtime story.  It's one of the cutest things ever. I grieve over the fact that that my kids won't ever get to hear my Mom read bedtime stories.


Just the other night, before I left my Mom's house, she read me a bedtime story.  It was a story about Noah, God's love and a cradle in the form of an Ark. It's a story of God's heart breaking for us, and his tears flooding the earth. It's a story of God's arms wide open in His uncontainable, unending, unconditional, unbeatable, unfailing, unwrappable love.

"God sees our tears now. And the hurt flooding our world right now. And He offers everyone the greatest gift- a rescue, a wooden cradle, a wooden cross- and He whispers, "Come to Jesus." Noah and his family were saved by the ark. You and the whole family on this earth are saved by Jesus alone

Some horrible, awful, miserable, very bad days, you may look around and say, "If there is a God who really cares, He'd look at our world and His heart would break.

And God looks to Jesus, who went to the cross, that real tree, and says, "Look- My heart did break."

So when those floods of bad things happen, if you lean toward Jesus- if you incline toward Jesus, if you rest in Jesus- you get the Gift of Jesus, like an ark of love, holding you, carrying you, raising you gently up through any flood of sadness that fills the world."

As always, Mom with every word, every moment, every deed points me to the One who can heal and comfort me and you.

Update on Mom: For the past little while we have been draining Mom's lung twice a week. However, that has changed. We are now draining somewhere between 300 and 400 ml every two days.  That's a big increase.  The pain from this fluid build up is heightened by the lymphedema Mom experiences from her mastectomy back in 2008.  Thankfully she does receive some relief right after the drain occurs.  Mom is more tired these days too.

Living Legend

Mom's bishop has decided that one way to honor the older members of the ward is to share stories from their lives with others, so that all can benefit. He's calling it the Living Legends. A week or so ago, a sister in the ward came and visited with Mom for awhile. Mom thoroughly enjoyed the visit. When I walked up to the house today I found the Living Legends newsletter on the door.  It is being handed out to all the families in the ward. Here are two experiences, written by this sister, Mom shared with her from her life.

Favorite holiday memory:
When Janis was a Junior in High School, her family moved from Utah to Southern California. Her father had moved the family there to start a new job. The job fell through and the family struggled as he sought alternate employment. Since they moved in October money was still a problem as Christmas neared. Janis had two sisters near her age and one sister who is much younger. The parents decided and the three older sisters agreed to severely curtail their Christmas so that the youngest girl could have a nicer one. Each of the older girls go one piece of material, one record album, and a lipstick {these three things so typify my mom, and her family}. The parents got no gift.

It was a little grim with no snow and no friends, but the family gathered as it was their tradition to sing Christmas songs and carols around the piano. They were singing "White Christmas," when the doorbell rang and someone shouted "Merry Christmas, Carters." When they opened the door there were sacks of food on their porch. All the makings of a grand Christmas Feast and much more to fill the pantry for some time. It completely surprised and humbled them as they had never before been on the receiving end of such loving service.

It remains today, Janis' favorite holiday memory. Her father was soon employed and the family comfortable again. But from that day to this, her family has gathered around the piano to sing "White Christmas" and give thanks for their blessings and to reaffirm their intention to be totally generous to others at Christmas time. {This is a well known story among our family.  There has never been a family Christmas party where this song has not been sung, ususally through a flood of tears. Consequently, some of MY most favorite Christmas memories involve buying Christmas gifts for families in need and leaving in the front porch and running away as quick as we could after ringing the doorbell.  My Mom has continued to live the intention to be totally generous to others at Christmas time.}

This video is dark and old... 1992.  And it is great to watch! Mom is on the piano, and the "little" sister from the story is the one holding the baby in the video

A difficult challenge:

Mom's School Board Picture

One difficult challenge Janis faced was when she ran for public office and won. The loyal opposition quickly started a campaign of misinformation and intimidation to force Janis to vote for their agenda. When she did not do so, the attacks intensified. She was frequently questioned, even harassed in public. It became difficult to leave the house. She spent a lot of time reviewing her beliefs and motives; she shed tears; then she decided to continue to act with integrity. One Sunday as she sat in church singing the song "Reverently and Meekly Now," she was profoundly drawn to the words in the beginning of verse three. They resonated with her and she knew moving forward was possible.
     
       "Bid thine heart all strife to cease,
         With they brethren be at peace.
         Oh forgive as thou wouldst be
         E'en forgiven now by me."  - Joseph Townsend

Mom shared this story with me for the first time this fall as the presidential election was going strong. I am continually blessed by the stories and lessons from her life my Mom shares with me. She is definitely a Living Legend!

Update on Mom: Mom's pain was through the roof early this past week. We think in part because of the permanent tube in her lung moved unexpectedly.  Her lung cells continue to leak fluid and fill the pleura cavity with increased frequency.  We are still draining twice a week, but the amount of fluid has increased with each drain. We never know how each day will be as far as pain, discomfort and breathing ability.  As many of you have commented... Mom always looks good in the pictures we post.  She is a brave, strong women who has dealt with pain her entire life and is very good at hiding the pain and discomfort. She reads the blog and comments you all make, so if you feel inclined, leave her some encouragement and love.
.