Foot By Foot

Two nights ago I was sitting next to my Mom as she talked about improving ourselves, learning and growing constantly. She talked about sometimes it's really overwhelming but that you just have to pick one thing and work on it, then pick another and work on that. She recounted to me a story about when Mike and his family, along with Mom, moved into their brand new home. There was so much work to be done on the outside landscape it was overwhelming. Mom would tell Mike to just pick a one foot area and work on that... Eventually foot by foot the yard would become beautiful. If you've ever seen Mike's yard, you know that it is beautiful.

Grandma with her Granddaughters. They LOVE being together

Hearing my Mom tell that to me the other night reminded me of a conversation I had with a complete stranger in the Phoenix airport while I sat waiting for my flight to Salt Lake to visit with my Mom. I was sitting at one of those charging stations, charging my phone while reading a book. A man approached and sat to my left and said, "You don't see a real book with pages very often these days. What are you reading?" I closed the book, preferring conversation with people over reading anyways, and showed him the cover with the title, The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz. This stranger and I talked for 30 minutes about the book and the idea behind it: That the size of your success is determined by the size of your belief. Your brain and thoughts are often the biggest obstacles in our way to becoming who we can become. On the reverse side, you can use your thoughts to move past those obstacles.

This stranger asked me if I knew where I got this notion in my head that I can always choose to improve and become better and be successful. Without hesitation I said, "My Mom. She's always reading books and learning and growing. From the time I can remember she was always striving to improve her life, the life of her kids and the lives of those she came in contact with. In fact, last time I was home with her she showed me a new planner she bought and in the front of it there was a whole section on thinking through your goals and desires. She said to me, 'You probably think it's silly that I'm doing this since I'm dying.' but I expect nothing less from her. That's the example she set for me- a healthy striving for improving, for becoming a better person, for learning, for changing, for becoming who we were meant to become."

The man quickly reminded me of something I've always known... I'm really blessed to have that example in my life. I'm blessed to know that I just need to work "foot by foot" on myself and I'll always be the best I can be. What I love about my Mom's example is that I've never felt like if I wasn't perfect Now! in whatever aspect of my life I was working on than I wasn't beautiful. I've always seen from her that the beauty is there already, the work helps you see it more. I love you Mom!

taking the oxygen tank to the porch

UPDATE on Mom: It's been awhile since we updated everyone. I am happy to report we are 2 1/2 months past the six month time frame the doctor gave us when we received the official diagnosis. This 4th of July weekend marks the year mark that Mom took herself to the emergency room from severe pain and left being told to contact her oncologist. Mom has been in severe pain because of this cancer for over a year now.

Mom's ability to breathe continuously declines. She is now not only on oxygen at night, or right after she exerts some energy... but it's pretty much constant. This weekend while I was home I helped her to figure out and feel confident using her portable oxygen tanks. If she plans to be out of her room for more than 10 or so minutes she now tows her tank along with her. She is draining her lung at least once a day, sometimes twice to relieve pressure pain and increase her ability to breathe.

preparing to drain her lung

Mom also suffers with really bad stomach pain and nausea. One theory is that the tumors leak calcium and since they are growing perhaps too much calcium is being circulated in her body causing the upset stomach. We still have no definite cause.  For a long time all she was eating was ritz crackers. We've switched her over to alkaline water plus she's developed a morning routine to go on the offensive against the nausea which seems to be working wonders and Mom is eating a larger selection of food.

I'm tankful for everyday we have with Mom. How much time we have left together is unknown. It's a roller coaster of emotions as I know that if  I'm still getting to spend time with her it means she is still enduring so much pain and anguish. I hate that part.